MY MESS Part 2, A Boon on the Road

One of the things that has been hardest about these first 6 weeks of school is their juxtaposition with the last 4 years. I have been used to success. I haven't had a behavioral problem that really worried me for a long time. Experiencing failure at work, even temporary failure as I hope this is, is foreign to me. Last year I worked towards the prestigious National Board Certification and all my co-workers were sure I would achieve. My school's reading coach told me I was one of the best teachers she'd ever seen, and she made sure I knew she was serious. The compliments rained in. And now, at a new school, failures are bountiful.

So last Wednesday morning I took some time to pray about school. That's when the notion began that I should pray for salvation. Right after I did, as I was brushing my teeth, a Sara Groves song lyric popped into my head, "I pray for an idea, and a way I cannot see."

The lyric's song is "The Long Defeat," and I believe God has given it to me to pray during this season of my life. It is my prayer for salvation.


I have joined the long defeat
that falling set in motion
all my strength and energy
are raindrops in the ocean

so conditioned for the win
to share in victor's stories
but in the place of ambition's den
I've heard of other glories

I pray for an idea
and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave

I can't just fight when I think I'll win
that's the end of all belief
and nothing has provoked it more
than a possible defeat

I pray for an idea
and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave

We walk a while we sit and rest
we lay it on the altar
I won't pretend to know what's next
but what I have I've offered

I pray for a vision
and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave

I pray for inspiration
and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave